Observations on Christmas “Being Lonely”

Do you know someone who is alone on Christmas Day?  Or a couple who won't have their children with them?  For parents, that's "being alone".

One Thanksgiving in San Antonio, Jimmy & I issued an open invitation to ANYONE in our church who wanted to join us for dinner at our house.  We specifically said married, single, divorced, widowed, just passing through, any age and bring your kids.  My sister and husband, Ron & Earline Mumme did the same with the Divorce Care Group they were overseeing.

I was amazed at who came to our house!  Was it a zoo?  Yes!  Were kids all over the place?  Yes & no - we sent them upstairs!  We had couples our age that had children they weren't able to be with, families with children whose "home family" were too far away, military people with no leave to go home, divorced people, widowed people.  Our house was bursting at the seams!  My mother and father were still alive.  They loved it! 

One of the reasons we did this was my father LOVED Thanksgiving.  He wanted a crowd on Thanksgiving Day.  It was his favorite holiday.  However,  at every Christmas, our house was filled with people other than just our family. 

My father was a minister.  My mother grew up in a minister's home.  As pastors of churches, they always made sure no one in the church was "left out".  My father had the true heart of a shepherd.  My parents taught their children to always look for people who might be overlooked and invite them to join in.

This Thanksgiving we had one couple from church that were a particular blessing to me.  The husband and father was in a wheelchair.  The wife and mother had MS I believe.  They had a 7 year old son who was definitely ADHD.  They were in our Sunday School class.

They sat at the table in our breakfast nook through most of the day.  Other people who had never spoken to them at church, sat and visited with them.  As usual, I looked to see who were overlooked and paid special attention to this couple.  I stopped by the table often to see if they needed anything.  Their son was having a blast upstairs with the other kids.

Our music director and her husband and children were there.  We had been practicing for six weeks for the choir's Christmas program.  I knew our director was exhausted.  She asked if they could come because their "family" was on the east coast.  She said she would bake three pies.  I told her I really wanted them to come, but she wasn't to bring one single thing - just show up.  She didn't want to do that but I finally extracted a promise from her they would just come.  She sat at the end of the sofa in the living room the whole day, laughing and talking.  Her kids were upstairs.  At one point I looked at her and she was sound asleep in the middle of all the noise.  She later told me that was the best gift anyone had ever given her - time to rest!  And know her family was still having a "family Thanksgiving".

The couple where the husband was in a wheelchair and wife had MS told me before they left - THAT NO ONE HAD EVER INVITED THEM TO VISIT IN ANY CHURCH THEY HAD EVER ATTENDED!!!!.  You see, they didn't exactly "fit in".  They had very visible physical and some psychological problems.  They were poor.   They were also so very grateful and thankful to have been included in "a huge family" get together with some of the other people from church, they cried when they thanked me. 

One couple our age were spending Christmas with their children but were alone on Thanksgiving.  At one point I saw the husband sitting at the table playing dominos with three other men.  His wife told me had hardly gone to any functions outside the church, and for sure hadn't played dominos in years and years!  She couldn't believe what a good time he was having. 

After that Thanksgiving, the husband’s activities at church really picked up and they “belonged” somewhere!

I’m not writing this to brag about what I did in inviting all these people.  As I have sat thinking this evening about all the people I know who are alone this Christmas, my heart hurt for them. 

Ironically, Jimmy and I are “alone” this year.  We did have plans to be with family for Christmas.  Jimmy’s knee replacement surgery was pushed out from November to December and he is not physically able to go anywhere!  We also aren’t up to having company come to us.  And we are OK with this because we know our families WANT us to be able to come for Christmas.  We aren’t sad and lonely.  We are rejoicing that Jimmy is healing so great!

As I looked over my Facebook friends and thought about people I know who have lost someone they love this year either through death or divorce, or children moving far away, or are in the hospital, it bothers me that anyone of these people will be alone.  None of them live in St.  Charles, MO so I can’t invite them.

Because of sad circumstances, there are people we all know who are lonely.  They may have their family with them, but are lonely because they have lost a parent or grandparent or other loved one.  Their family circle has been broken.  They will try and stumble through all the Christmas activities, but their hearts are sad. 

Do you know someone like anyone I’ve described?  If you are having Christmas dinner at your house, I guarantee you could probably feed an additional 10 people!

I have had people tell me “Christmas is just for family”.  That isn’t what Christmas is.  Christmas is to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  All the traditions we have established for our family are wonderful.  It’s why they are “traditions”.  Most every lonely person at one time had “traditions”.  Now they are just alone – or lonely in a crowd!

May I ask as you read this, to think about who you would be able to invite to share your Christmas dinner and “traditions”?  You don’t have to buy them a gift.  It’s about sharing the love of Jesus. 

By the way, the family where the husband was in a wheelchair?  He died not all that long after our Thanksgiving dinner.  He wasn’t well.  I met his wife in the foyer of the church just prior to his memorial service.  I told her I could not stay as I had made an appointment I could not break, but I wanted her to know that I loved her and that we knew her husband was in Heaven.  She thanked me again for the Thanksgiving they spent at our house.  It was worth every minute of every hour that my sister and I stood in the kitchen cooking – if just for that one little family.

If you are alone but able to physically do so, look around for other lonely people, call them on the phone Thursday or Friday, and invite them to your place for a potluck Christmas dinner.  It’s not about the food, it’s not about the traditions, and it’s not about being so lonely yourself you don’t plan to get out of bed on Christmas Day.  It’s all about Jesus.

Denise Ball Carrigan

South of Sixty

12/22/2010